Domestic violence - continues....

No doubt domestic violence happens to men also whose wives are strong and aggressive. But what are the chances of that happening? Domestic violence covers a wide area and most of the time, the victim does not know he/she is experiencing abuse. Sometimes he/she thinks that they imagined the whole thing ever happened. Actually, it happens to people all over the world.

How to recognize the signs of abuse????

You are living a life of abuse if your spouse / partner:-
-controls the finance and refuses to give you money. The famous words are: I don't have any/not enough;
-acts jealously;
-threatens to kill himself/herself;
-tries to restrict what you wear or how you spend your time;
-gets angry when drinking alcohol or use drugs;
-looks at you in an aggressive way;
-say hurtful words to make you feel inferior;
-say abusive/threatening words;
-scares you by driving recklessly;
-by his behavior shows that he intends to hurt you so that you fear for your life;
-force himself upon you in a sexual way;
-threatens to hit or hits you or the children in anger when inebriated or under the influence of drugs;
-threatens to hurt or hurts the pets unnecessarily when inebriated or under the influence of drugs;
-destroy furniture in the house;
-calls you bad names;
-say that his behavior is actually your fault;
-stop you from calling the police for help;
-tells you that abusive behavior is natural and his father did it to him so why can't you suffer like his mother;
-and the list goes on........

Do not think that domestic violence happens to the labourers or to people who are not educated. I can tell you it happens to everybody and it is rampant in most families except that we do not know what happens behind closed doors! The victims will not normally disclose what happens behind closed doors for fear of being ridiculed because the abuser is usually a respected man in society. In the Asian society, even though the victims suffer from abuse, yet they are unwilling to voice out their troubles and prefer to suffer in silence. They are afraid to take action, like divorce because there is a stigma being attached to a divorcee. People whisper..... eh, look! She's divorced. No wonder lah! She looks so fat and clumsy and never want to dress properly and her face so sour. Who wants to live with her. If it happens to a beautiful lady who's divorced, eh! Careful of your husband....... so and so is divorced, you know what I mean.

In the case of a divorce, what happens to the men? They pay alimony? They try all ways and means to avoid paying alimony if they can and they have more money to enjoy themselves and look for another victim.

Remember you do not have to suffer alone. Please voice out. Get help. Find someone who can offer maybe not money but advice and sometimes a willing ear is indeed God-send. Find somebody who is willing to hear and sometimes voicing out your anger is enough to release your stress.

Sometimes, there is an institution in your local area who offers shelter and advice to victims who suffer from domestic violence. Find out where they are, seek them out and seek advice.

If all else fails, ...............
PRAY!!! When you really don't know what to do, go further, go spiritual, believe in someone who can do more than what you or me can't. No matter what is your religion, remember to pray and have faith. Have faith that even though divorce is not the choice/option that you want to take, pray that the abuser will mature and somewhere along the way somebody can talk some sense into him or that the abuser will seek professional help. All is not hopeless but you must have faith that some being who is more powerful than the ordinary humans that we are, will listen to our pleas and provide a helper when you most need one. I always believe that the victim must find ways and means to be strong so that the abuse can be stopped. There is hope.

If you know a friend who needs help, offer a willing ear. REACH OUT! Offer your hand and help to carry them along the way. If you know a family member who is experiencing some form of abuse, no matter how minute is the abuse, offer to help. Most family members I know will tell you that every family has its own bible to read and that your family has problems, so what? Yes, every family has problems but you, as a caring family member can reach out and offer words of advice. There is no such thing as: Very sorry, I'm just an in-law, I cannot help you and I don't think he will listen to me.

There are some friends that I know who will tell you to get a divorce but what happens after that? Do you think divorce is the only way to break this cycle of abuse? Share your thoughts.
If you know of somebody who is in this situation, what can you do to help? What do you suggest?