"BE HAPPY!"

“Be Happy”

What comes to mind when you hear or think of the word “happy”?

I looked for the word “happy” in the Oxford Advanced Learners’ dictionary and it is defined as “fortunate, lucky, feeling or expression of pleasure, contentment, satisfaction”. Quite a lot of words to express the meaning of being happy, isn’t it?

To quote Abraham Lincoln, he said: “Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be.”

In simple English, he meant that being happy is “a state of mind”. It is in your mind – whether you want to be happy or sad. How can that be, rite? I was born poor, an orphan and handicapped, how can I be happy? I met with an accident and had to pay for repairs which I could ill afford. Am I happy? I bought a house, rented it out thinking of how much rental I can collect but the tenant refused to pay rental and refused to move out. Should I be happy?

I have been thinking about this topic of “be happy” and I have done some reading and I would like to share with readers what I’ve discovered along the path of research into “be happy”.


1. Learning to accept yourself

Learn to accept yourself as you are and try to improve your limitations. We have our weaknesses, failures and limitations. Rather than to lament on our imperfections, we make an effort to improve them. We are always bombarded with advertisements of super-thin and super-young models that being fat/short/old is considered ugly and undesirable. I do believe each of us have our share of insecurities (we are not rich enough, not beautiful enough, not wonderfully witty) BUT remember we can be contented with what we have. We don’t need to look like Angelina Jolie or Jessica Alba to be sexy or happy. We can be who we are, look the way we do and still be interesting, exciting and desirable. Character is ever-lasting so build up your character instead of investing in face-lifts.

I have an aunt who is average looking (she does not really take care of her appearance). She gets along with everybody. She’s humble, forgiving and always ready to give a helping hand. She’s full of good advice since she reads a lot. When I’m around her, I can see why people are drawn to her. I discovered she has a high level of tolerance and instead of talking down to you, scolding or lecturing, she will put forward her views in a nice way. One such incidence, on the subject of being diabetic, my uncle will tell you of all the worst scenarios where patients need to cut off their arms or legs and how difficult it is to heal wounds and within two years, your kidneys will suffer, etc, etc. My aunt will approach the subject differently. She will buy tea and herbs for you and encourages you to go on a diet and to exercise. Gradually, you discovered that you are actually taking longer and longer morning walks around the neighborhood with her. My point is: beauty is from within.


2. Hoping things will get better

Most people spend a great deal of their lives hoping things will get better. “Things will get better” only happens in fairy tales. Even if you are beautiful but spend all the time hiding in your room, how many chances do you think you have of meeting Prince Charming? Even Rapunzel, the girl in the fairy tale have to grow long hair (exceptionally “long” hair), let the hair down so that Prince Charming can climb up her hair to save her. Everything needs effort. If you spend all day hoping for things to happen without any effort on your part, then sorry, it will not happen at all.


3. When we change, things around us change. For things to get better, we have to get better first

Some people are always late. They go to work late, they arrive for meetings late. If the appointment for dinner is at 7:00 pm and they realized that they are early, they will surely think of something to do to make ‘themselves’ late. For example, dinner appointment is at 7:00 pm but a glance at the dashboard clock says 6:30 pm so quickly drop by the bakery to buy some bread for the next day. But the problem is you walk out of the bakery at 7:00 pm. Usually, it is without any conscious effort on the part of the habitual latecomers. If you are one of these people, please make a conscious effort to change. You will find it worth your while to arrive on time. At least, you don’t have to say, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry …………….” Stop! Take a break once in a while and review your behavior. If you find that you are often apologizing for being late or constantly in a rush and yet still unable to be on time, then something is wrong. It could be that you are lacking in time management skills, then think of how to plan ahead. Visualise what you need to do and estimate each preparation and give ample allowance for mishaps.

As for myself, I always think I’m right and often, I like to win arguments especially those I had with my husband. After a few disagreements, tantrum throwing scenes and long drawn out silences, I come to realize that instead of me trying to change him, why not change myself? Suddenly, a senior colleague’s remark came to mind: “Give in a step, you actually win half the battle.” I decided to take her advice and realized that not only do I experience less stressful long silences but actually have more time to really talk to my husband and find out what is bothering him. It resulted in better rapport and understanding and this, I believe brings more peace and harmony to the family.


4. Enjoy doing things

JUMP into life at every opportunity. Life is not a bed of roses but you can make it better by living, treasuring every moment of it. Sometimes, there are things you don’t really like to do but since you have to do it, you might as well enjoy doing it.

I hate mopping the floor, getting all wet and sweaty and it gives me backache. I often grumble to myself, “Haiya! I hate doing this. I am in no mood to do this.” Now, instead of grumbling, I try to make the chore more interesting by putting on some music and dance while I mop so instead of grumbling, sing. If my husband remarked on the sparkling floor, then it’s a bonus. If not, never mind, I enjoyed the exercise. But circumstances change and as the kids are now grown up, I get them to mop floors.


5. Bad times

For example, bad times come once in a while, like our present economy downturn. But we should make the best out of it. Without the present scarce resource of money, we would not have to learn to budget, to cut-cost. Even if we are retrenched, we lose our jobs, we can still think of alternative ways of survival. No need to lose too much sleep worrying over it but think of alternatives, like moving into a smaller house with lower rental, plant some vegetables or fruits for own consumption, go fishing or hunting for food. You may lose your job as an Accountant but who knows, you may be just as happy being a chicken rice seller. Take this mishap (of losing a job) as a chance to explore new alternatives, new possibilities. Take this as an opportunity to spend more time with family and build up better relationships. Sometimes, misfortune befalls us and we lose control for a while but understand that it is alright to lose control. However, make sure that you go back on the right track again. We are the one controlling our thoughts and emotions so concentrate on happy thoughts. Think to yourself: “I had enough misery, now I want to change things – I want to be happy.”

I like watching television and I will always remember one interview conducted by CNN many years ago. The interview is focused on an actor, Christopher Reeve, who was in the movie “Superman”. He fell from a horse and was paralyzed from the neck down and had to breath with the aid of a ventilator. His skull had to be reconnected to his spinal column. He wanted to die – to save everyone a lot of trouble. But his wife convinced him that his family (herself and the children) still wanted him around, “You’re still you and I love you.” To cut a long story short, he made up his mind to live again and to breathe on his own. Six months later, on Thanksgiving Day, he went home to spend the day with his family for the first time since the accident. Who is more courageous here, him or the family (especially the wife)?

I feel we need to learn from the experience that life gives us. We can also learn from people who lead inspiring lives and be touched by them. Whether it is an economy downturn or a bad accident, if we can come out of every experience safe and happy, we’ll know we have what it takes to handle any situation.


6. Don’t put happiness into the future

We should not spend time worrying about the future. What matters is now. We have to be happy now because we don’t know what will happen in the next minute. We can’t see what is around the next corner of our lives.

I remember when I was in my younger days (in primary school). I dread exams and always feel other classmates are more fortunate than me. One of my classmate has got a lovely pair of sport shoes while I only wear serviceable canvass shoes. The richer ones (the father is a doctor) even wear a watch. I thought, “I’ll be happy when I left school (no more exams) and get a job, then I’ll have money. I’ll buy that pair of shoes and a watch for myself.” Now, I realize I should have been happy then. I have wonderful parents who care for me, two brothers to play with and I even have a chance to go to school. I can see, hear, walk, breath, talk. Yes, there are people who are better off than us but there are far more people who are less fortunate than us. Now I understand people always keep putting happiness into the future. “WAIT until I have a successful career (how do you define “successful”?), WAIT until I found a rich husband/beautiful wife, WAIT until I bought a house, WAIT until the kids grow up, WAIT until I have grandsons (granddaughters are just not good enough).”

By the time all these things that I’m waiting for happen, I would have dropped dead before I’m happy.


7. Problems

Every day, we take chances, we face problems. “Wouldn’t it be great if we have no problems?” I remember one of my ex-colleague saying to me, “Those people who have no problems are those crazy nuts. We pity them but they are actually the happiest people in the world. They have no worries at all.”

Just imagine a shellfish on the seashore – sunbathe all day long and enjoying the evening breeze at night. Do you think if you are the shellfish, you will be happy? Personally, I would have enjoyed the first few days lazing around doing nothing. But after looking at only the sun and the waves and the seagulls for ten days, I would have felt restless. Is this all there is to life? Is this what I want out of life – looking at the sun and the moon? There should be more meaning to life, more excitement and challenges to add some spice to this sun and waves scenery.

So whatever we do, we have to do our best. When we face problems and make mistakes, it should not be something to be ashamed about but take it as part of growing up. We should learn from our failures and wake up every day, refreshed and ready to meet life’s challenges head-on. We don’t want to be a shellfish, do we?


8. Aging

Keep practicing the art of living. This more or less applies to aging. Ever heard people say, “Age gracefully?” Growing old doesn’t mean you have to look like a witch. However, you don’t have to look young and beautiful like Britney Spears but do dress decently and please try to look your age. It is sad to see an old lady of 50 in spaghetti straps and low hip jeans trying to look trendy but failing miserable.

Remember to keep using your brain, use all the muscles and bones in your body. When you retire, don’t stop living or thinking. Once you stop thinking or working, all senses in your body slow down and that is where the trouble comes in. Everything will breakdown if left unused for a certain period of time. Ever heard of people telling you once you use an electrical appliance, you have to use it continually or else it doesn’t perform very well? If you refuse to use your legs and move about in a wheelchair for 3 months, I can safely presume you’ll fall down once you start putting pressure on your legs.


9. Learn from children - Laughter is the best

Ever heard “Laughter is the BEST medicine?” Learn to laugh, laugh at yourself, at your mistakes. Don’t take life too seriously! To quote my mother who always say, “We are only a guest here on this earth.” Life is too short to dwell over mistakes or bad experiences. You made a mistake, so what? Maybe you lose money, you lose face – but no big deal. Understand that people do make mistakes sometimes.

Children can be maddening at times. I have two very energetic, boisterous and mischievous kids and it is so tiring looking after them and trying to discipline them. But when I really thought about it – we can actually learn from them. They don’t hold grudges. You spend 10 minutes lecturing them about something “bad” they had done and the next minute, they are reaching out for you trying to get your attention.

There’s a certain thing about small children that baffles me at times. They laugh at anything. They find fun in almost anything. It’s like they instinctively know that laughing is good. I remember my two boys when they were 5 or 6 years old, they poke each other and spend countless minutes giggling non-stop. They just laugh because it feels good. They laugh or giggle unashamedly, naturally, spontaneously. Of course, being a good mother, I will try to stop them because I was afraid they might get too much air into their lungs and get stomachache later on. I’m always telling them, “Don’t laugh so much, no giggling or else you cannot go to KFC” but you know …………………

According to reports, laughter is BENEFICIAL to both your body and mind. When you laugh, endorphins are released in your brain (gives you a natural high) and your respiratory system gets exercise which is similar to the kind you get when you are jogging. Laughter relieves pain. When you are laughing, you are more relaxed and when you are more relaxed, you feel less pain. Laughter is actually good for people with terminal illness.

That is according to statistic which I believe is true but a word of caution – do not laugh at funerals. I mean know when to laugh. If you smash your car, it would look very odd indeed if you stand at the roadside laughing – I would have cried. But after a few days of feeling miserable and feeling the pain of paying for the repairs, get back to normal track again. At least, you are still alive.


10. Look at the bright side of things

We always feel that anguish, sorrow and pain are distressing and we avoid them. But do you know, there is another way of looking at anguish and sorrow? Let’s say you lost a loved one to cancer and you feel a lot of anguish and sorrow but don’t you think it makes you appreciate life more? There are people who dedicate their lives to worthy causes after the death of a loved one. After experiencing such anguish themselves, some people are actually empowered to lead inspiring lives. I read somewhere that pain is actually good for you. Hmmmm….. how can that be? Let’s imagine, pain does not exist in this world. You are in a bus. While alighting from the bus, a car drive pass and accidentally knock your arm off. Remember, no pain! You don’t feel any pain so unaware that your arm is actually not attached to your body, you reach home and tried to make a cup of tea and discovered that you have in fact lost one arm. Is this example a bit weird? But when you really think about it, pain is good. Therefore, look at the bright side of things, even pain is good.

It also depends on a person’s perspective of things. Once upon a time, there were two aunties looking out of the same window. One saw a beautiful sky, pretty flowers on the lawn and birds chirping happily on the trees. The other auntie saw the dirty window panes and torn curtains.

Which auntie do you want to be?



CONCLUSION:

I’m not sure whether it is appropriate but I saw this quote which sets me thinking. It is from Sydney J Harris who states:

“The ART of living successfully is the holding of two opposite ideas in tension at the same time – first, plan your tomorrow as if you are going to live to be a hundred; second, live each day as if it is the last day of your life.”